Hello Beautiful Humans,
Today, I wanted to touch on a subject I have been personally asked about a lot, which is my relationship. I’m definitely no expert when it comes to love, I don’t think anyone is though. I only want to share my perspective because unlike the typical young college girl, I have a different take on how to run my relationship.
A few of my friends have asked me for advice lately and I’ve decided to just share my thoughts on some relationship specifics.
Attachment vs. Genuine Love
This one is huge because in modern day relationships, people tend to attach to people rather than genuinely love them. Interesting statement, I know. I came across a video that explains it, which you can watch here. The video talks about how love is not needing someone to make you happy but actually when that someone is happy with their own life, it brings you happiness. Genuine love is letting your partner grow and do their own thing with you alongside them. The way we love in modern day relationships, specifically young adults, is through attachment. We seek constant attention from this given person and we hold on so tightly to them that it almost pushes them away. I highly recommend watching the video!
Friends have asked me numerous times how often I stay with my boyfriend. I tell them only a few days a week, if that. This usually surprises them. They wonder why not everyday. Personally, I just don’t believe that is healthy, especially when I’m still growing as an individual. I also respect the space my partner needs to grow and be himself. I think this can be described as genuine love; I’d rather see my partner grow personally and become happy with the life he is creating than attaching my happiness to our relationship. If that makes sense…
Freedom to Grow
Relating to the last point, when you’re only 20-something years old, you should not be dependent on a relationship. You are so young and you have so much growing to do. Our modern day #relationshipgoals seem to revolve around getting engaged at 21 and getting hitched by 23. It’s crazy to me.
I’ve been in almost a year long relationship and I’m very happy in it, however, I don’t plan to move in or take big steps with my partner until we’ve both become established in our careers. We have no clue where either of us will be in one year, how can we commit to huge milestones when we haven’t even picked a our next meal? Your 20’s are a time for adventure, learning and self-love. That being said, you don’t have to neglect having a relationship with someone, it just means approaching it with a different perspective. It’s respecting the space your partner needs to become the human they want to be, but also respecting your own self and the space you need to grow.
This part is super important to the health of your relationship. Fights and arguments happen, that is part of love and building a relationship with someone. How you solve these problems and fights is defining for the success of the relationship. I’ll be honest here, my boyfriend and I fight/argue but we are able to handle it maturely when the anger settles. This is another piece, hold back on lashing out at one another. It’s okay to take a step back to breath and collect your thoughts, actually it’s better. Then, when you both feel level headed, you can reevaluate the problem together.
The golden rule is one of the biggest things I try to follow in my relationship. It may seem so elementary but it still applies very well. The golden rule, to refresh our memories, is do on to others as you want done to you. So, when it comes to my relationship and making decisions, I think back to this rule. Would I want my partner to do this? How would I feel if he did this to me?
It really puts you in the shoes of your partner to realize how your actions may impact them. This is important to being fair and respectful to your partner. It also creates a place of understanding and compassion for how your partner acts or reacts. It’s a good tool to use when resolving issues (conflict resolution) because it allows you to see things from their perspective and answer the question of why.
Lastly, forgiveness. This one is huge because I hate to break it you all but shit happens. People screw up, we make mistakes and shit hits the fan. That’s life, relationship or not. Learning to be forgiving to not only your partner but yourself is imperative to relationships. Side note with this topic, don’t let people walk all over you and damage you. Forgive when necessary but also don’t be afraid to leave a bad situation. Be understanding of each others actions and decisions, work towards a solution to prevent them from happening again and forgive.
Forgiveness is important for all aspects of life because at the end of the day, we’re all just humans who make mistakes. No one is perfect! All relationships have their flaws and deciding what flaws you accept are up to you and your partner.
Once again, this advice is just from my own experience and perspective. I’m no love expert but I am very self-aware, which gives me the ability to really analyze situations in my relationships. As always, anxiety is a blessing and a curse. It’s made me highly engaged in my relationships and the decisions I make in them. I wanted to make this post in light of the modern day “relationship goals.” Relationship goals are personal, not something you see on Instagram or other social media. Your relationship is completely up to you and your partner.
I hope this advice is helpful to those who may have questions about their own relationship. Just remember that you are still young and still growing, don’t feel pressured to do anything that doesn’t feel right to you. This is your life, and all social norms aside, you have the ultimate decision-making power. Do what makes you happy!